marianagrasya:

Sarah Kay & Phil Kaye - “When Love Arrives” 

I knew exactly what love looked like- in seventh grade. Even though I hadn’t met love yet, if love had wandered into my homeroom I would’ve recognized him at first glance. Love wore a hemp necklace. I would’ve recognized her at first glance, love wore a tight french braid. Love played acoustic guitar and knew all my favorite Beatles songs. Love wasn’t afraid to ride the bus with me. And I knew, I just must be searching the wrong classrooms, just must be checking the wrong hallways, she was there, I was sure of it. If only I could find him.

But when love finally showed up, she had a bow cut. He wore the same clothes every day for a week. Love hated the bus. Love didn’t know anything about The Beatles. Instead, every time I try to kiss love, our teeth got in the way. Love became the reason I lied to my parents. I’m going to- Ben’s house. Love had terrible rhythm on the dance floor, but made sure we never missed a slow song. Love waited by the phone because she knew that if her father picked up it would be: “Hello? Hello? I guess they hung up.”

And love grew, stretched like a trampoline. Love changed. Love disappeared, slowly, like baby teeth, losing parts of me I thought I needed. Love vanished like an amateur magician, and everyone could see the trapdoor but me. Like a flat tire, there were other places I planned on going, but my plans didn’t matter. Love stayed away for years, and when love finally reappeared, I barely recognized him. Love smelt different now, had darker eyes, a broader back, love came with freckles I didn’t recognize. New birthmarks, a softer voice. Now there were new sleeping patterns, new favorite books. Love had songs that reminded him of someone else, songs love didn’t like to listen to. So did I.

But we found a park bench that fit us perfectly, we found jokes that make us laugh. And now, love makes me fresh homemade chocolate chip cookies. But love will probably finish most of them for a midnight snack. Love looks great in lingerie but still likes to wear her retainer. Love is a terrible driver, but a great navigator. Love knows where she’s going, it just might take her two hours longer than she planned. Love is messier now, not as simple. Love uses the words “boobs” in front of my parents. Love chews too loud. Love leaves the cap off the toothpaste. Love uses smiley faces in her text messages. And turns out, love shits!

But love also cries. And love will tell you you are beautiful and mean it, over and over again. You are beautiful. When you first wake up, “you are beautiful.” When you’ve just been crying, “you are beautiful.” When you don’t want to hear it, “you are beautiful.” When you don’t believe it, “you are beautiful.” When nobody else will tell you, “you are beautiful.” Love still thinks- you are beautiful. But love is not perfect and will sometimes forget, when you need to hear it most, you are beautiful, do not forget this.

Love is not who you were expecting, love is not who you can predict. Maybe love is in New York City, already asleep, and you are in California, Australia, wide awake. Maybe love is always in the wrong time zone, maybe love is not ready for you. Maybe you are not ready for love. Maybe love just isn’t the marrying type. Maybe the next time you see love is twenty years after the divorce, love is older now, but just as beautiful as you remembered. Maybe love is only there for a month. Maybe love is there for every firework, every birthday party, every hospital visit. Maybe love stays- maybe love can’t. Maybe love shouldn’t.
Love arrives exactly when love is supposed to, and love leaves exactly when love must.
When love arrives, say, “Welcome. Make yourself comfortable.” If love leaves, ask her to leave the door open behind her. Turn off the music, listen to the quiet, whisper, “Thank you. Thank you for stopping by.” 

this is beautiful! and i love the way they deliver their lines. :)) 


Posted 2 years ago with 22 notes
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via marianagrasya



I don’t deserve this piece of crap treatment.
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We can always forgive, but we can never forget how it made us feel.

Or how we make them feel.


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i found me.

          For every letter we think of, for every word we piece together, from the smallest thought to the largest idea, our volatile mind adapts to the new and constantly changes into a mass of infinite possible contours. This, how the mind works and adapts to change is of great parallelism to how beautifully frightful life can present itself.

          So if the way the mind operates changes the gameplay of life, our ideas would be the terrorists. These are trained actors, often disguised as nobody’s and nothing’s, but when it plants itself, there’s no way to destroy it, and the war has begun. With the birth of ideas comes the battle for conformity and individuality altogether.

          It’s been years of struggle for me, but I guess today made the darkness a bit brighter. Ever since I was a kid, I was so certain as to who I wanted to be. I wanted to be wealthy. Note the difference between being rich and wealthy. Being rich would mean a luxurious life, but not enough to support multitudes of generations, exactly what being wealthy meant. Wealthy, that’s what I wanted to be, and fast. I didn’t care how I did it, I just had to be. Because of it, there was a big part of my life where I tried to excel at everything. I tried learning a lot of sports when I was young, I learned how to sing, I learned how to play guitar, I learned how to play piano, I learned how to act in front of a camera, and I tried to write, much like what I am doing now. And if there’s one thing that I learned in learning all that I did is how to fail.

          That’s right. I failed in almost everything I tried to excel in. I gave up on sports because it was too boring for me, I quit music school, I stopped practicing guitar and the piano, I perform disappointingly in front of a camera, and my writing isn’t Shakespeare either. I was nothing. I am nothing. And this big breakthrough that changed my course in life completely was because of a wise man’s question: “Who are you?”

          And with that question, a simple microcosmic idea, everything changed. Who am I, really? What am I doing here? Who are the people that stayed with me? With that question, the countdown for my downfall stopped, and I was able to save myself for now. Society brought people up placing great appreciation for material wealth with sights on an endgoal rather than the journey, obviously the more important one. I was too busy looking at who I want to be when I should be looking back at who I am, because after all, who we define ourselves to be would course us to be the people we will become.


Posted 2 years ago with 2 notes
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#personal  #growing up  #college  #teen  



If there’s one thing I’ve learned

Giving your all doesn’t get you the girl. It gets you abused. So always leave a little love for yourself, because there will always be a time when everyone else will leave you alone.


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Was there a moment where you missed me?

          The stepping stones from one point to the next point of one’s life would mark the dawn of a new, and part of it would usually initiate subconscious reflection. Am I ready? Should I stay? How will I survive? What am I fighting for? And no matter how prepared I was to tear down the walls towards the malevolently benevolent life and the meaning it holds, I was frightened. I was terrified that though I might gain greater things along the way, I might lose things I already treasure. But life is all about taking risks, but this tops the many I have taken.

         What’s been happening to us—separation and all that— for a few weeks now has been nothing but miserable, but it has done some good, I guess. I had countless sleepless nights, overflowing sadness, but it was all just part of the bigger picture. I knew how the space I purposely created gave me time to mature and help me grow. Solidarity gave me a chance to face and overcome the greatest fear I’ve had: losing you. Though I hope you understand that it’s nowhere near as negative as it might mean to most people, because this relationship taught me many things, but I guess one that I’m most proud of, one that I learned exclusively from you was how to grow and be more independent. You’re such a strong lady, so goal oriented, meticulous, someone that kept me together all these years.

          I can still be quite needy, because your love is the only love I can ever deem true, but I guess what I’m trying to mean by all this is that you gave me a chance to build a life far beyond the stars that revolve around ours. I’ve changed. I’m not falling out of love though, because the awkwardness between us the past few weeks made things a little less colorful. Sad songs started to make sense, I couldn’t bear to be alone, sometimes I just had to stop and let a tear drop, and the world turned slower than it usually did without you. I turned to darker days, but now I’m facing the other side, stronger, more on-sight on what I’ve always wanted in my life.

         So. Am I ready? Should I stay? How will I survive? What am I fighting for?

         When I was away to find myself, there was never a day when I didn’t miss you. And I guess it would make all the difference to know that you do too.


Posted 2 years ago with 2 notes
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#personal  




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